Holy Shit, I'm Graduating

In May of 2016, I will graduate from Iowa State University with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, a certificate in Leadership Studies, minoring in Women and Gender Studies. It's been a busy few years!

And I'm petrified.

I'm 35 years old and I'm about to graduate with my first degree in higher education. I will be entering the job market against thousands of young, marketable blank slates that have very little work experience (i.e., fewer bad habits from previous employers to work with), better understanding of technology, fewer familial obligations (as they don't likely have a husband and two school-aged children) and a higher GPA (because they didn't have those "pesky" distractions to keep them away from school work). We're all going to be competing for the same jobs. It's easier for employers to hire a new grads for less money if they're a fresh-faced 22 year old! And I'll have just as much debt as they will, possibly more since some (but certainly not most) of these kids received help from their families to pay for college.

There's this common misconception that my university peers (i.e., mostly millenials) are lazy, unmotivated, narcissistic and entitled. But are they, really? Or are we Gen X-ers starting to sound like our parents and grandparents? Here are some of the things I heard when I was a young 20-something:

"Kids these days just don't want to work."
"Kids these days only care about themselves."
"Kids these days are so entitled."
"Kids these days don't know the meaning of hard work. They just want everything now."
"Kids these days have no taste in good music!" (okay, I just added that one in for fun!)

Get off my damn lawn with that riff raff!

Sound familiar? It's the same thing that people are saying about millenials. The truth is, the young adults of this upcoming generation are really anything but lazy. As of now, they are this century's Depression Era children. Many watched their parents lose their jobs and homes. They watched their parents recover from financial disasters. They internalized all of this and have adjusted their world view to accommodate these realities.

You've all heard the phrase, "work smarter, not harder." This is essentially how millenials get their shit done. Can they accomplish it quickly, effectively and accurately? Yes? Awesome. Does that mean they have more time to enjoy life? Probably. Apparently, millenials have figured out that work-life balance thing... at least, once they've found that job that pays well and no longer have to work more than one.

My hope is that being middle-aged and getting a degree will be considered as brave. My hope is that being middle-aged and getting a degree demonstrates my commitment to better myself and my willingness to adapt to new environments. My hope is that being a wife and mother and full-time student will prove my capabilities in managing busy and conflicting situations. My hope is that being middle-aged will prove me to be a leader amongst the tabula rasas.

My Fat Body

Yeah. Another post about body positivity, weight issues, and a more in-depth look at my story. The narrative will jump around, so bear with me here.

This narrative starts with yesterday. Everyday Feminism posted a Justin Dennis video where he talks about fat shaming. This is an important video for a couple of reasons. 

The first reason is because Justin Dennis is a thin human being. Ally voices are so important. No, I don't need a thin person to advocate for me. If you know me, you know I'm really outspoken. Still. Just like the LGBTQ+ community benefits from straight allies and white allies are important in conversations about race, thin allies are important for people of size because it is support. 

The second reason this video is important is because it addresses my biggest issue regarding those who oppose the body positive movement:  "concern." This often comes in the guise of, "I don't hate fat people, I'm just concerned about their health." Bitch. No you are NOT. People who use this sentence are just looking to make themselves feel better about their hatred of fat people. It's like when people say, "love the sinner, hate the sin." 

Your shit is out, and it stinks.

I took the time to share my story on Justin Dennis' video. In true "Lisa Fashion," I also chose to reply to someone who was clearly fat-shaming in the comments. Today, I was greeted by a reply that said:  "who are you trying to convince? If you eat as many calories as you say you do an actual exercise you wouldn't be overweight. It's calories in calories out. The laws of thermodynamics apply to everyone. If for some reason they don't apply to you than you should contact NASA." There are a lot of reasons why this comment was horrendous, but that's irrelevant. I instructed this hateful troll lovely human to return to the first grade and brush up on their reading comprehension skills, because clearly they missed the point on my story.

Why this person needs reading comprehension:

I've been trying to lose weight for about five years. I'm the first to admit that I wasn't a robot about it, but swimming laps and a healthy-ish diet were part of my overall routine. Weight was really resistant to come off. I had small successes and victories, but nothing that continued for very long. I would add and change up my workouts, then the weight would come back on. I would get discouraged after several months and quit. This was the cycle for five years, folks. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't gotten so discouraged, but I can't dwell on that.

I've always been considered "overweight." Even when I was a kid. I got very mixed messages about food, and developed BED after abusive experiences. The biggest contributor to my weight, though, has been hormonal. I wouldn't lose anything. I have had two c-sections and have been on various birth controls. I was almost at the point of considering weight loss surgery, but insurance and gynecological problems got in the way. I ended up having a uterine hysterectomy in May.

Which brings me to the rest of today. Today has been FANTASTIC!

I went to see one of my doctors. I stood on the scale and I'm down 19 pounds since my last visit in her office. NINE.TEEN.POUNDS. My last visit was a week or two before my hysterectomy.

After that appointment, I was pretty pumped. I worked out like a beast at the gym. Dancing in-between sets.

Then, I stopped at Target for prescriptions. While they're being filled, I tried on some clothes for the hell of it. The workout shirt I tried on was from the REGULAR section. AND I tried on a pair of jeans that were a size smaller than the previous pair I purchased there. WITH NO MUFFIN TOP.

I got weepy. I want to wear a sign that says:

19 pounds and one pants size down since I evicted my hateful uterus."

This wasn't just a personal victory. Don't get me wrong, it IS a huge victory in my life and my physical and emotional well-being. It's also a victory against haters. Against the "concerned" fat-shamers. Against the trolls in the world who have nothing good in their life so they sit around and hate on other people. Against every. fucking. doctor. who prescribed "weight loss" instead of seeing my weight as a symptom, not the disease. Against the self-help books that tell me "overcoming BED is about self-control and distraction." Against the mental illness that told me this day would never come.

This isn't just a victory against people. It's a victory FOR people. 

For YOU. Yes, you. The one who, like me, has tried everything under the sun to try and lose weight and nothing worked. This is a victory for those of you who have been ignored and shamed. For all the people who hate eating out because you know that if you order healthy, people will judge you. And if you order crappy food, you know that people will judge you. For the people who have had someone comment on their grocery cart items. For the people who looked at you when you walked on a plane and thought, "yeah right," and you had to ask a flight attendant in a low voice for a seat belt extender.  

This is also for MY people. My tribe. For people who LOVED me at my absolute highest weight of 341 pounds (from which I have lost 34 pounds total) and will love me when this journey is done. For the people who have seen me sweat and work without results, then dried my tears. For those of you listened and chose to be understanding. For those who found me attractive and sexy, no matter what. WE GOT THIS. And thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

Radical Body Love

A few weeks ago I posted a fitness motivation video filled with women of various ages, sizes, skin colors and abilities. It was beautiful. These women were swimming, dancing, spinning, playing team sports, running...

I went to a wedding last night and danced my butt off. Drenched in sweat, I had a blast. More than likely, there were people there who probably didn't know I could move my body like that. I'm almost certain that there were people there that didn't think I should move my body like that. Somehow, my size means that I am not entitled to fun. My body is supposed to be this huge source of shame for me. Something I am supposed to hide.

I refuse to hide. I hid before and my depression spiraled. I hid before and I was a binge eater. I don't hide. I wasn't made for the shadows.

My body is not disgusting. No, the skin isn't firm and smooth. Yes, I have rolls in places. Yet my body is amazing. My body allows me to dance and walk and run and play and swim. If you think that my squishy, dimpled skin is disgusting, DON'T LOOK AT ME. What's more than that, you don't get to tell me what I call myself. If I want to call myself fat, curvy, lard ass, thick, chubby, or sexy as fuck, you don't get to tell me I'm wrong.

Now, for everyone else that isn't a hateful troll, I want you to imagine how different this world could look if we stopped hiding. If we stopped telling people of size that they are gross and shame them into hiding, how many more people would feel confident enough to be more active and take more initiative in their lives to be healthy. What has shaming people into weight loss ever done? All it has done is create a multi-billion dollar industry that we've all bought into. An industry that is not designed for people to succeed and shames us for not succeeding, then sells us more stuff that won't work in the long term.

Instead, let's fuel a movement of radical love. Not the trite support that comes with condescending "encouragement." Instead, a movement of radical love that does not focus on what our bodies look like, but what our bodies do. Where someone's size is not the litmus test for how you feel about them. This radical body love does not just allow large people to feel like they have a place in society. It allows small people to feel like they're not the source of envy and hate. It acknowledges that we all have more to us than what size is on our pants tag, or the number on the scale.

This type of self love gives us the freedom to be in society and take part in the activities we've always wanted to do, but were told we don't belong in. I'm starting with dance. Where will you start?

13 things about sharing the world with other people

1. You don't have to be against cops to say #blacklivesmatter. You can actually respect the work of police officers while seeing that race is still an issue. 

2. If you're white, you can say white people are racist without actually being a racist. Recognizing racism does not make you racist. It means you can make observations. 

3. Just because someone is a criminal, does not mean they deserve to die for it. Especially if their crime was minor theft, minor drug charges, or resisting arrest. 

4. You don't have to police everyone's political correctness to call yourself a feminist. Everyone is at risk of being "offended." No one is perfect. We're all just trying to make it through this life as best we can. 

5. You can love men, realize that men are also damaged by the patriarchy, and are subjected to double standards AND still call yourself a feminist. No, really. It's that whole "equal and equitable" thing. 

6. You can be pro-life AND pro-choice. One is about wanting children to have healthy and love-filled lives. The other is about minding your own fucking business. 

7. Getting reimbursed for the preservation and transportation of fetal tissue is not "selling baby parts." At least not any more so than hospitals get reimbursed for organ donations or cadaver donations. 

8. You don't actually have to bake anyone a damn cake. You DO have to obey the law and not discriminate. 

9. LIKEWISE, no one has to bake you a cake and you don't have to sue everyone who says they disagree with your marriage. However, if you file a complaint on the basis of discrimination and your family life is disrupted and you risk losing an adoption case because bigots can't be professional business owners, you should absolutely mop the floor with them in court. Just realize that they'll raise donations for what they owe and bigots will help bigots succeed. 

10. Celebrating size diversity in our society and allowing people of size to feel like they're valued is NOT promoting obesity. One is about loving yourself/others. The other is a medical condition that is either a result of a combination of issues or a symptom of something else. Stop pretending you care about the"health" of obese people. You don't. You just hate fat people for the sheer fact that they're fat. If you cared about their health, you'd do more than tell them they're fat. Believe me, they're aware of it. 

11. Fat doesn't mean unhealthy the way skinny doesn't mean healthy. If you aren't that person's doctor, you don't know anything about their health. Kindly fuck off. 

12. You don't have to put someone else down to lift yourself up. If you have to say that people are less for you to be more, then you didn't really earn the accomplishment. 

13. You don't have to put yourself down to lift someone else up. No one likes to feel guilty that they accomplished something. 

There are probably more, but this was the best way for me to summarize a whole slew of feelings. 

Finding the untold stories

This was surprisingly hard to write. I don't understand why my journey of trying to learn about my heritage left me speechless (so to speak), but I have written and re-written this post several times. 

I am a first generation Cuban-American in my family. My father is American, with a European lineage of Scottish, English and Norwegian that I can trace back to the 1500s in some branches. My mother was born in La Habana, Cuba. I knew my grandparents. I knew my maternal great-grandmother. I even knew some great aunts and uncles, along with my mother's siblings, a few second and third cousins. Time, distance, and death makes talking to them really hard.

Left to right:  Brian, cousin; Guadalupe, g. gma;
Chris (baby), cousin; Me. Don't I look thrilled?

I grew up with my Cuban family, but I never really thought a lot about my heritage. The culture and the customs that I loved, without any idea why they were so important. I remember hearing names like Jose Martí, or seeing images of Hatuey on cans of malta and having no idea. I really didn't know where I came from at all. (It's like not knowing who Martin Luther King or Sacajawea were. I know!)

When I was 15, I moved in with my dad and stepmom. They lived in a suburb north of Atlanta. Suddenly, everyone, mostly, looked like me. For the first time, I was not la gringa. My peaches and cream complexion and blue eyes did not stand out in a sea of olive and café con leche skin tones. I was just me. It's not like I wrote off my history, but I continued in my comfort zone of not thinking about my heritage. Teenagers are notoriously self-centered. I did not break that mold. 

About two years ago, I was taking a Western Civ class that covered the 17th century through current events (well, as current as the latest publication of the book). As one of the required assignments, we were assigned a paper to cover something that happened after the French Revolution. We had just covered a section on slavery, and I decided to talk about Cuba. I really didn't know anything much about the War of Independence, so I began to research it. 

This was the first time I sought out any kind of historical information on my country. While I knew that Cuba had been the center of slavery for the Americas, I did not grasp what that meant for me, personally. It wasn't until about this time last year, while reading Nobody Passes, that it hit me. 

1. I have black relatives. My great grandfather was black. 
2. I have relatives that were slaves. 

It was a bit of a mind fuck for me. I'm certain that this experience is not unique to me, especially since there are millions of Cubans who are in America learning about slavery. (Well, in the states that still teach it, but I digress.) Still, it was the first time that I felt how disconnected I was from my heritage. I really never considered what being Cuban was prior to the Revolution. 

It dawned on me that I was privileged to be able to pass. I started thinking about the "one drop" rule in America, and that if it still held today, I would be considered black. I don't consider myself black, so you can save the Rachel Dolezal jokes for someone else.

What does this mean, really? In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't mean anything. It means, like many Americans, that I have an ancestry that is unique and confusing and contradictory. Nothing has changed for me, socially. I'm still privileged and marginalized in all the same ways I was before. 

On a personal level, I still have conflicting feelings about how I pass through society unmarked by my ethnicity. I still feel like a fraud when I tell people I'm Cuban. More-so now than before because my conversational Spanish is clumsy and out of practice. 

Me and my mother, Marta. 1984

I mentioned that I knew how far back my father's family goes; but there is a whole half of my history that I don't really know. The details are very hard to find. Access to records from Cuba are not so easy to come by. I have started reading more about the history of the country. I've started emailing with a journalist in Cuba who may or may not be a distant relative. I've learned a few things here and there. What I'm learning most, however, is that the cliché is very true:  You never know what you have until it's gone. When I was young, I never asked the questions. Now there's no one left to ask. So, I'll leave you with the pictures of some of the beautiful women I loved. These women I wish I could talk to. These women that I miss.

My grandmother, Carmelina "Mima" Dudot
holding me as a baby.

My grandmother rocking
 a stunning frock

My great-aunt Georgina (grandmother's sister).
She was my favorite. So kind and elegant.

My great grandmother Guadalupe in red
Her sister Ofelia in white. 

Humble Pie

A day late and an amendment short. When I posted my previous entry calling everyone to take action, the congress website had not been updated to show that the S. 1177, Every Child Achieves Act, had already gone to vote. I feel like I really have some egg on my face. No, I couldn't control the fact that Congress.gov had not been updated at 2:00 a.m. when I posted it it. The bill still showed as being introduced, but without any decision. Still, I feel pretty embarrassed to have asked people to work under a deadline.

The good news is that the Every Child Achieves Act has passed with an overwhelming majority vote. 81-17 (2 non-votes). This act will the No Child Left Behind program if it passes the House and President Obama signs it into law. Given the overwhelming senate success, I have hope that it will. There are a lot of really great things about this bill.

Still, this does not mean that we cannot work to create legislation that will offer those protections. It just means that we have the time to give it the time and energy it deserves. Time to ask our representatives to do their jobs.

A Call to Action!

UPDATE:  THE BILL IS NOT DEAD, BUT IT HAS BEEN VOTED ON IN THE SENATE. THIS DOES NOT MEAN WE GIVE UP THE FIGHT TO HAVE LGBTQ+ YOUTH PROTECTIONS MANDATES NATIONWIDE

*************************************************************************************************************

When The New Civil Rights Movement (NCRM) published the article, “Did Your US Senator Just Vote To Allow LGBT Students To BeBullied? Here's The List," I quickly checked my state. Yep. My senators. Utilizing one of the greatest political filters I have at my disposal (a friend), I send the link over and I say "please, please, please, tell me what happened here. I don't understand." 

About 20 hours later, "Export-Import Bank." Huh? What? 

We've all heard the stories of bills not passing, only to find out that there was something attached to the bill by one party that made it unacceptable to the other. It's the way both parties play the political game. Al Franken is no exception. With a really weak lead in about "preparing children for the future," comes a whole section of the amendment that has to do with exportation and importation. Essentially, international trade and exporting jobs overseas to cut employment costs. *sigh* *deeper sigh* 

Personally, I don't agree with this practice. I get tired of conservative mouth pieces talking about the evils of welfare and the unemployment when they don't fight to keep jobs in America. To me, that's like paying to fix someone else's roof, but you have your own leaks and you're developing wood rot. It's asinine. Still, this piece of legislation does not belong in a massive bill that seeks to improve the education of our youth by offering targeted funding to schools who need the money and protections for all students from bullying. 

Still, this bill is not dead yet. I repeat:  Every Child Achieves Act IS NOT DEAD YET. The vote was on Franken's amendment. If we act now, we can save the parts of this amendment that really matter. But we DO have to act now. ECAA goes to vote soon (probably before midweek), and without Franken's amendment, it will not include the LGBTQ+ protection. 

What can you do? Well, call Franken's office. Tell him that you support his amendment, but not his effort to sneak in legislation that put it at risk. Ask him to introduce his amendment again without the Export-Import Bank clause, or any clause not pertaining to the education or safety of children in schools. Then call your senators and ask them to make sure it happens. Tell them you feel strongly that ECAA should pass with LGBTQ+ protections, and that you are asking for the contents of SA-2093 to be re-introduced without the Import-Export Bank clause. 

You can reach Al Franken's office at:  (202) 224-5641 

And you can Google your own senators if you're outside of Iowa, but if you're in Iowa, I'll give you Joni and Chuck's Washington numbers. 

Joni:  (202) 224-3254

Chuck:  (202) 224-3744

If the amendment is reintroduced with the proposed changes (without the Export-Import Bank clause, or any clause not pertaining to the education or safety of children in schools), and still gets voted down, then the nay-ers' true motives will be exposed. Or maybe we will get legislation that offers protections for our youth. 

The Law, Your Beliefs, and Reconciling Both

Yesterday, I was venting about my personal feelings about SCOTUS and those who oppose it under the guise of love and friendship. It was emotionally-fueled and part of my processing of only a small layer of feelings that I have in regards to how my sexual orientation has affected my personal relationships. 

Today is a new day. I have seen stories posted that there are local governments withholding marriage licenses, refusing to perform weddings, and other various refusals. These are all under the claim of religious freedom. There is one thing that I know for certain, while we may have won the fight for marriage equality on a federal level, the fight to peacefully exercise that liberty is nowhere close to over. 

There is so much about this that I want to address, I hardly know where begin. I wanted to say that I didn't know if these local governments had a leg to stand on. After doing some research, I can tell you that they do... and they don't. I am no lawyer, nor claim to be, but here is the part where I dazzle you with my powers of reading comprehension... and give you a headache at the absurd legal nightmare that we are bound up in.

As for the Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993 (RFRA):  

H.R. 1308 states, in Section 7-ESTABLISHMENT CLAUSE UNAFFECTED.

Nothing in this Act shall be construed to affect, interpret, or in any way address that portion of the First Amendment prohibiting laws respecting the establishment of religion (referred to in this section as the ‘Establishment Clause’). Granting government funding, benefits, or exemptions, to the extent permissible under the Establishment Clause, shall not constitute a violation of this Act. As used in this section, the term ‘granting’, used with respect to government funding, benefits, or exemptions, does not include the denial of government funding, benefits, or exemptions.

The Supreme Court, on June 26, 2015, came to a decision on marriage. They decreed that all legal residents and citizens of the United States of America who are eligible for marriage (eligibility being defined as adults aged 18 and above, who are not legally married, being of sound mind to sign a legally binding marriage contract of their own free will) are entitled to legally marry ANY legal resident or citizen who is also eligible for marriage regardless of the assigned sex of either party. They decreed that it is unconstitutional to deny them this.

The verbiage of Sec. 7 of the RFRA indicates that it is does not allow for government offices to withhold or deny any government benefits as an act of religious freedom. Meaning there are no government offices who are allowed to deny a marriage license. In addition to this, government offices and government officials have a duty to uphold the U.S. Constitution and abide by what the Supreme Court's rulings on what is or is not constitutional.

HOWEVER... There are other laws at play here. The employees of these offices are still protected by discrimination laws. And here is where you take an aspirin, because it's going to get all kinds of screwy.

If an employee determines that a job duty violates their religious convictions, the employer is required to offer an alternative for them. They cannot be fired for their refusal based on religious convictions. Since a government office cannot discriminate against a same-sex couple, they are also responsible for finding an employee who will process the license. A government office administrator is not supposed to allow for the office to cease operations. However, the administrator is also protected by the same discrimination laws that allow for the clerical employees to refuse to perform that duty. So then it falls on that administrative employee's higher-up to continue the process. It keeps rising through the ranks, and if no one can be found, or resolution can be made, it goes to the courts. First at the state level, then the federal level.

Your head hurt? My head hurts... 

Now that I've figured out  explained  confused the hell out of everyone, I want to talk about these acts of discrimination. No one is protected here. The government can be sued by employees who are not given accommodation AND the couple being discriminated against. The employees feel their rights are being violated. The couple being denied the license is being discriminated against. There are no winners in this. 

Yes, you have the right to be protected for your religious beliefs. They should be. 

But so are the rights of the LGBT couples to receive their marriage license and not be discriminated against. 

One injustice does not justify the other. Two wrongs don't make a right. However you want to say it, it's illegal to discriminate on any basis. 

I'm now speaking directly to all of you who are opposing marriage equality under the banner of religion. I'm going to take an unorthodox stance for someone who doesn't believe as you do. I'm going to talk to you as if I did share your faith. Personally, I believe that you can reconcile your faith and the law. In fact, I know you can. Because your Bible commands it, but I'll get to that.

If you're a public officer or politician, you have chosen to be a public servant. That means that you serve the WHOLE public, not just those who holds the "correct" political or religious beliefs, or whose sexual orientation you agree with. Further, you have a duty to uphold the U.S. Constitution and to follow your local and federal laws. 

Now this is for everyone: 

Contrary to what you might think, America is not a Christian nation, nor founded on the Christian religion. (Exactly 218 years and one month before SCOTUS ruled on marriage for same-sex couples, President John Adams signed the Treaty of Tripoli. Article 11 clearly states this fact.) Just as a majority of English-speaking citizens does not make English the official language of the United States, a majority of Christian citizens does not make Christianity our official religion (especially since that would invalidate our constitutional right to freedom of religion). The separation of church and state further solidifies the reality, that the United States of America is NOT a theocracy. 

As Christians, you should be ecstatic that we are not a theocracy AND that there is a separation of church and state. This separation allows for you to practice your religion freely. If we were governed by religion, what would keep extremists from forming a fundamentalist society with infarctions punishable by death? You know how we are fighting ISIS and Islamic extremists from oppressing their citizens? What would keep Christian leaders from abusing that power in the same way? The basis for the separation of church and state is to protect all citizens from that kind of oppression. 

Now I ask you, "What gives you the authority to use your religion to keep others from their freedoms and liberties? Does invoking 'God's Authority' not reek of the same hubris that religious extremists are guilty of? Now it's opposing marriage equality. Where do you draw the line?"

There is the small matter of the fact that 1 Corinthians commands you not to judge those who are not in the church. It's not your place to hold them to God's law. 

Paul states in 1 Cor 5:9-13 (NIrV)

9 I wrote a letter to you to tell you to stay away from people who commit sexual sins. 10 I didn’t mean the people of this world who sin in this way. I didn’t mean those who always want more and more. I didn’t mean those who cheat or who worship statues of gods. In that case you would have to leave this world! 11 But here is what I am writing to you now. You must stay away from anyone who claims to be a believer but does evil things. Stay away from anyone who commits sexual sins. Stay away from anyone who always wants more and more things. Stay away from anyone who worships statues of gods. Stay away from anyone who tells lies about others. Stay away from anyone who gets drunk or who cheats. Don’t even eat with people like these.

12 Is it my business to judge those outside the church? Aren’t you supposed to judge those inside the church? 13 God will judge those outside. Scripture says, “Get rid of that evil person!”

Unless I'm mistaken, it sounds like God doesn't want you to judge or set a Biblical standard to anyone who is not a part of your faith. And while, yes, there are LGBTQ+ individuals who profess Christianity, that is a matter to address within your church. Not within your local government office. But even in matters of judging your fellow brethren, Christ warns you repeatedly to exercise caution and gentleness in doing so. Not to openly and relentlessly do so. 

Further still, your Bible does not support what you are doing. In your vehemence to keep same-sex couples from getting married based on a few verses, verses that have questionable relevancy, I believe you have confused faith for moral superiority. You're probably getting defensive now, but answer this for yourself:  

Is God omnipotent, omniscient, and fully in control of all things in this world? 

If you answered "no," then you probably have a lot of soul-searching to do. If you answered "yes," then ask yourself:

Does God not work all things to His will and glory?

If you answered that he does, then I don't understand why you've abandoned that belief. 

Romans 13:1-5 (NIrV): 13 All of you must obey those who rule over you. There are no authorities except the ones God has chosen. Those who now rule have been chosen by God. 2 So whoever opposes the authorities opposes leaders whom God has appointed. Those who do that will be judged. 3 If you do what is right, you won’t need to be afraid of your rulers. But watch out if you do what is wrong! You don’t want to be afraid of those in authority, do you? Then do what is right, and you will be praised. 4 The one in authority serves God for your good. But if you do wrong, watch out! Rulers don’t carry a sword for no reason at all. They serve God. And God is carrying out his anger through them. The ruler punishes anyone who does wrong. 5 You must obey the authorities. Then you will not be punished. You must also obey them because you know it is right.

That's pretty clear, isn't it? A follower of Jesus Christ is serving God when they obey the law. Our law is now that it is legal for same-sex couples to marry. Period. Full Stop. And as they say in the U.K., End Of.

Your opposition is condescending

I have seen several memes floating around Facebook that my conservative connections have been posting. They all roughly say the same thing, but this one… this one really grinds my gears.

"But, Lisa," you say, "why the fuck do you care what some bigoted assholes think? You know there are plenty of Christians who are LGBTQ+, and plenty of Christians are very accepting of the community. You know that there is a lot of theological and scholarly analysis into the seven verses that "address" homosexuality, and what they truly refer to. You're getting offended over someone's bullshit opinion! Chill out, yo!"

In my anger and frustration, I want to address all of it. It's hypocrisy up one side and horse shit down the other. The lack of compassion. The hypocrisy of cherry-picking verses to impose their beliefs on others while not actually adhering to the other rules for themselves. 


I scrapped this three times because I could never focus on what really pissed me off. It's the deception. It's all an arrogant, patronizing, dirty lie. And I'm going to call you on that bullshit. I say to all the people who've posted this stupid picture:

You don't love me. You don't love the LGBTQ+ community. At least not in any way that is genuine and intimate. Love has many definitions. Merriam-Wesbster lists nine. The one you mean is listed at number four: 

screen cap from linked definition

And really, you only mean part (2) of "a." I don't need your distant "concern." I don't want to speak for the whole community here, but I'm willing to bet that most of them don't either. This "Yes, I still love you" line leaves me with the bitter aftertaste of condescension. The people who love me are active participants in my life. Their love for me is active. Their love for me is palpable. Their love for me inspires them to make time for me in their lives. Their love for me breathes support and acceptance and protection. You? No, you don't love me. 

Since you don't love me, you cannot possibly be my friend. Friendship fosters intimacy, honesty, trust, love, compassion, generosity, and SUPPORT. 

My real friends don't always agree with me. They'll give me all the reasons they don't agree with me on something, and then they'll support me the best way they know how. They understand that I might be on a path towards pain and frustration, but they will come along for the ride anyway. And when they're wrong, they'll say they're wrong. And when they're right, they don't rub my nose in it. (Well, maybe a little, but only after they've dried my tears and held my hand. Mostly to get me to laugh.) So yes, we don't have to agree with each other, but we do have to support each other. 

My closest friends love all of me. They may not like parts of me, but they love all of me. They see me as a whole person and say, "yes, this person is worthwhile." They don't put conditions on me. They don't ask me to hide part of myself. They want me to be myself all the time. Even when they might be a little uncomfortable or disagree with me. They still love me. They don't want me to conform so that I'm more socially acceptable. 

Yes, you are judging me; and yes, you do allow people to bully me. Even if you've never actually verbalized your judgment, this picture is your judgment of me. By posting this photo, you've actually told me that you will never accept me as a whole person. As a whole, I'm funny, charming, intelligent, articulate, nerdy, disorganized, stubborn, passionate, empathetic, socially-minded, ambitious, loyal, caring, and more. I'm also a mother of two daughters. I'm a wife to a cis-gender man. I'm also a survivor of multiple abuses. I struggle with some mental illness because of those abuses. I'm an unapologetic feminist. Oh, and I happen to be a queer, cis-gender woman that identifies somewhere in the middle of the sexuality spectrum. (If you're binary-minded, the label "bisexual" is where you'll put me.) My sexuality is, by far, the least interesting thing about me, but it is very important to me. You have decided that you don't support me because of that sexuality. 

As for allowing people to bully me... Do I think you'd actually stand up for me? No! You already don't stand up for my rights, or the rights of other gay, lesbian, and bisexual people to marry their same-sex partner. You have allowed politicians, religious groups, and bigots to keep LGBTQ+ individuals from being afforded the same rights and freedoms under the law. You have not stood up and spoken out about the beatings, the suicides, the murders, the homelessness, or the harassment that this community has been dealing with. No, you hide behind your seven misinterpreted verses and tell us Jesus loves us. Your silence against these atrocities is deafening. Your unwillingness to stand up against it makes you complicit. 

Are you entitled to your opinion on these matters, entitled to your beliefs? Absolutely. No one is silencing you or attacking you. What you are experiencing is not persecution. What you're experiencing is a leveling of the playing field. You're losing control over other people's lives. Please do not consider yourselves to have ever come close to real religious persecution. Not while you can openly wear symbols of your faith, go to houses of worship, put a bumper sticker on your car and not fear your life or imprisonment. See, being a Christian in some parts of the world is frightening. Being gay is scary in those places too. It is still scary in America. It's just a little less scary than it used to be. 

Ultimately, whether you agree or disagree with marriage equality is irrelevant. Equality won out in 1967, and it won out in 2015 and everyone can marry any consenting adult of sound mind that is able to sign a marriage contract. Maybe you should join us in 2015.