Your opposition is condescending

I have seen several memes floating around Facebook that my conservative connections have been posting. They all roughly say the same thing, but this one… this one really grinds my gears.

"But, Lisa," you say, "why the fuck do you care what some bigoted assholes think? You know there are plenty of Christians who are LGBTQ+, and plenty of Christians are very accepting of the community. You know that there is a lot of theological and scholarly analysis into the seven verses that "address" homosexuality, and what they truly refer to. You're getting offended over someone's bullshit opinion! Chill out, yo!"

In my anger and frustration, I want to address all of it. It's hypocrisy up one side and horse shit down the other. The lack of compassion. The hypocrisy of cherry-picking verses to impose their beliefs on others while not actually adhering to the other rules for themselves. 


I scrapped this three times because I could never focus on what really pissed me off. It's the deception. It's all an arrogant, patronizing, dirty lie. And I'm going to call you on that bullshit. I say to all the people who've posted this stupid picture:

You don't love me. You don't love the LGBTQ+ community. At least not in any way that is genuine and intimate. Love has many definitions. Merriam-Wesbster lists nine. The one you mean is listed at number four: 

screen cap from linked definition

And really, you only mean part (2) of "a." I don't need your distant "concern." I don't want to speak for the whole community here, but I'm willing to bet that most of them don't either. This "Yes, I still love you" line leaves me with the bitter aftertaste of condescension. The people who love me are active participants in my life. Their love for me is active. Their love for me is palpable. Their love for me inspires them to make time for me in their lives. Their love for me breathes support and acceptance and protection. You? No, you don't love me. 

Since you don't love me, you cannot possibly be my friend. Friendship fosters intimacy, honesty, trust, love, compassion, generosity, and SUPPORT. 

My real friends don't always agree with me. They'll give me all the reasons they don't agree with me on something, and then they'll support me the best way they know how. They understand that I might be on a path towards pain and frustration, but they will come along for the ride anyway. And when they're wrong, they'll say they're wrong. And when they're right, they don't rub my nose in it. (Well, maybe a little, but only after they've dried my tears and held my hand. Mostly to get me to laugh.) So yes, we don't have to agree with each other, but we do have to support each other. 

My closest friends love all of me. They may not like parts of me, but they love all of me. They see me as a whole person and say, "yes, this person is worthwhile." They don't put conditions on me. They don't ask me to hide part of myself. They want me to be myself all the time. Even when they might be a little uncomfortable or disagree with me. They still love me. They don't want me to conform so that I'm more socially acceptable. 

Yes, you are judging me; and yes, you do allow people to bully me. Even if you've never actually verbalized your judgment, this picture is your judgment of me. By posting this photo, you've actually told me that you will never accept me as a whole person. As a whole, I'm funny, charming, intelligent, articulate, nerdy, disorganized, stubborn, passionate, empathetic, socially-minded, ambitious, loyal, caring, and more. I'm also a mother of two daughters. I'm a wife to a cis-gender man. I'm also a survivor of multiple abuses. I struggle with some mental illness because of those abuses. I'm an unapologetic feminist. Oh, and I happen to be a queer, cis-gender woman that identifies somewhere in the middle of the sexuality spectrum. (If you're binary-minded, the label "bisexual" is where you'll put me.) My sexuality is, by far, the least interesting thing about me, but it is very important to me. You have decided that you don't support me because of that sexuality. 

As for allowing people to bully me... Do I think you'd actually stand up for me? No! You already don't stand up for my rights, or the rights of other gay, lesbian, and bisexual people to marry their same-sex partner. You have allowed politicians, religious groups, and bigots to keep LGBTQ+ individuals from being afforded the same rights and freedoms under the law. You have not stood up and spoken out about the beatings, the suicides, the murders, the homelessness, or the harassment that this community has been dealing with. No, you hide behind your seven misinterpreted verses and tell us Jesus loves us. Your silence against these atrocities is deafening. Your unwillingness to stand up against it makes you complicit. 

Are you entitled to your opinion on these matters, entitled to your beliefs? Absolutely. No one is silencing you or attacking you. What you are experiencing is not persecution. What you're experiencing is a leveling of the playing field. You're losing control over other people's lives. Please do not consider yourselves to have ever come close to real religious persecution. Not while you can openly wear symbols of your faith, go to houses of worship, put a bumper sticker on your car and not fear your life or imprisonment. See, being a Christian in some parts of the world is frightening. Being gay is scary in those places too. It is still scary in America. It's just a little less scary than it used to be. 

Ultimately, whether you agree or disagree with marriage equality is irrelevant. Equality won out in 1967, and it won out in 2015 and everyone can marry any consenting adult of sound mind that is able to sign a marriage contract. Maybe you should join us in 2015.