Radical Body Love

A few weeks ago I posted a fitness motivation video filled with women of various ages, sizes, skin colors and abilities. It was beautiful. These women were swimming, dancing, spinning, playing team sports, running...

I went to a wedding last night and danced my butt off. Drenched in sweat, I had a blast. More than likely, there were people there who probably didn't know I could move my body like that. I'm almost certain that there were people there that didn't think I should move my body like that. Somehow, my size means that I am not entitled to fun. My body is supposed to be this huge source of shame for me. Something I am supposed to hide.

I refuse to hide. I hid before and my depression spiraled. I hid before and I was a binge eater. I don't hide. I wasn't made for the shadows.

My body is not disgusting. No, the skin isn't firm and smooth. Yes, I have rolls in places. Yet my body is amazing. My body allows me to dance and walk and run and play and swim. If you think that my squishy, dimpled skin is disgusting, DON'T LOOK AT ME. What's more than that, you don't get to tell me what I call myself. If I want to call myself fat, curvy, lard ass, thick, chubby, or sexy as fuck, you don't get to tell me I'm wrong.

Now, for everyone else that isn't a hateful troll, I want you to imagine how different this world could look if we stopped hiding. If we stopped telling people of size that they are gross and shame them into hiding, how many more people would feel confident enough to be more active and take more initiative in their lives to be healthy. What has shaming people into weight loss ever done? All it has done is create a multi-billion dollar industry that we've all bought into. An industry that is not designed for people to succeed and shames us for not succeeding, then sells us more stuff that won't work in the long term.

Instead, let's fuel a movement of radical love. Not the trite support that comes with condescending "encouragement." Instead, a movement of radical love that does not focus on what our bodies look like, but what our bodies do. Where someone's size is not the litmus test for how you feel about them. This radical body love does not just allow large people to feel like they have a place in society. It allows small people to feel like they're not the source of envy and hate. It acknowledges that we all have more to us than what size is on our pants tag, or the number on the scale.

This type of self love gives us the freedom to be in society and take part in the activities we've always wanted to do, but were told we don't belong in. I'm starting with dance. Where will you start?

13 things about sharing the world with other people

1. You don't have to be against cops to say #blacklivesmatter. You can actually respect the work of police officers while seeing that race is still an issue. 

2. If you're white, you can say white people are racist without actually being a racist. Recognizing racism does not make you racist. It means you can make observations. 

3. Just because someone is a criminal, does not mean they deserve to die for it. Especially if their crime was minor theft, minor drug charges, or resisting arrest. 

4. You don't have to police everyone's political correctness to call yourself a feminist. Everyone is at risk of being "offended." No one is perfect. We're all just trying to make it through this life as best we can. 

5. You can love men, realize that men are also damaged by the patriarchy, and are subjected to double standards AND still call yourself a feminist. No, really. It's that whole "equal and equitable" thing. 

6. You can be pro-life AND pro-choice. One is about wanting children to have healthy and love-filled lives. The other is about minding your own fucking business. 

7. Getting reimbursed for the preservation and transportation of fetal tissue is not "selling baby parts." At least not any more so than hospitals get reimbursed for organ donations or cadaver donations. 

8. You don't actually have to bake anyone a damn cake. You DO have to obey the law and not discriminate. 

9. LIKEWISE, no one has to bake you a cake and you don't have to sue everyone who says they disagree with your marriage. However, if you file a complaint on the basis of discrimination and your family life is disrupted and you risk losing an adoption case because bigots can't be professional business owners, you should absolutely mop the floor with them in court. Just realize that they'll raise donations for what they owe and bigots will help bigots succeed. 

10. Celebrating size diversity in our society and allowing people of size to feel like they're valued is NOT promoting obesity. One is about loving yourself/others. The other is a medical condition that is either a result of a combination of issues or a symptom of something else. Stop pretending you care about the"health" of obese people. You don't. You just hate fat people for the sheer fact that they're fat. If you cared about their health, you'd do more than tell them they're fat. Believe me, they're aware of it. 

11. Fat doesn't mean unhealthy the way skinny doesn't mean healthy. If you aren't that person's doctor, you don't know anything about their health. Kindly fuck off. 

12. You don't have to put someone else down to lift yourself up. If you have to say that people are less for you to be more, then you didn't really earn the accomplishment. 

13. You don't have to put yourself down to lift someone else up. No one likes to feel guilty that they accomplished something. 

There are probably more, but this was the best way for me to summarize a whole slew of feelings. 

Finding the untold stories

This was surprisingly hard to write. I don't understand why my journey of trying to learn about my heritage left me speechless (so to speak), but I have written and re-written this post several times. 

I am a first generation Cuban-American in my family. My father is American, with a European lineage of Scottish, English and Norwegian that I can trace back to the 1500s in some branches. My mother was born in La Habana, Cuba. I knew my grandparents. I knew my maternal great-grandmother. I even knew some great aunts and uncles, along with my mother's siblings, a few second and third cousins. Time, distance, and death makes talking to them really hard.

Left to right:  Brian, cousin; Guadalupe, g. gma;
Chris (baby), cousin; Me. Don't I look thrilled?

I grew up with my Cuban family, but I never really thought a lot about my heritage. The culture and the customs that I loved, without any idea why they were so important. I remember hearing names like Jose Martí, or seeing images of Hatuey on cans of malta and having no idea. I really didn't know where I came from at all. (It's like not knowing who Martin Luther King or Sacajawea were. I know!)

When I was 15, I moved in with my dad and stepmom. They lived in a suburb north of Atlanta. Suddenly, everyone, mostly, looked like me. For the first time, I was not la gringa. My peaches and cream complexion and blue eyes did not stand out in a sea of olive and café con leche skin tones. I was just me. It's not like I wrote off my history, but I continued in my comfort zone of not thinking about my heritage. Teenagers are notoriously self-centered. I did not break that mold. 

About two years ago, I was taking a Western Civ class that covered the 17th century through current events (well, as current as the latest publication of the book). As one of the required assignments, we were assigned a paper to cover something that happened after the French Revolution. We had just covered a section on slavery, and I decided to talk about Cuba. I really didn't know anything much about the War of Independence, so I began to research it. 

This was the first time I sought out any kind of historical information on my country. While I knew that Cuba had been the center of slavery for the Americas, I did not grasp what that meant for me, personally. It wasn't until about this time last year, while reading Nobody Passes, that it hit me. 

1. I have black relatives. My great grandfather was black. 
2. I have relatives that were slaves. 

It was a bit of a mind fuck for me. I'm certain that this experience is not unique to me, especially since there are millions of Cubans who are in America learning about slavery. (Well, in the states that still teach it, but I digress.) Still, it was the first time that I felt how disconnected I was from my heritage. I really never considered what being Cuban was prior to the Revolution. 

It dawned on me that I was privileged to be able to pass. I started thinking about the "one drop" rule in America, and that if it still held today, I would be considered black. I don't consider myself black, so you can save the Rachel Dolezal jokes for someone else.

What does this mean, really? In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't mean anything. It means, like many Americans, that I have an ancestry that is unique and confusing and contradictory. Nothing has changed for me, socially. I'm still privileged and marginalized in all the same ways I was before. 

On a personal level, I still have conflicting feelings about how I pass through society unmarked by my ethnicity. I still feel like a fraud when I tell people I'm Cuban. More-so now than before because my conversational Spanish is clumsy and out of practice. 

Me and my mother, Marta. 1984

I mentioned that I knew how far back my father's family goes; but there is a whole half of my history that I don't really know. The details are very hard to find. Access to records from Cuba are not so easy to come by. I have started reading more about the history of the country. I've started emailing with a journalist in Cuba who may or may not be a distant relative. I've learned a few things here and there. What I'm learning most, however, is that the cliché is very true:  You never know what you have until it's gone. When I was young, I never asked the questions. Now there's no one left to ask. So, I'll leave you with the pictures of some of the beautiful women I loved. These women I wish I could talk to. These women that I miss.

My grandmother, Carmelina "Mima" Dudot
holding me as a baby.

My grandmother rocking
 a stunning frock

My great-aunt Georgina (grandmother's sister).
She was my favorite. So kind and elegant.

My great grandmother Guadalupe in red
Her sister Ofelia in white. 

Humble Pie

A day late and an amendment short. When I posted my previous entry calling everyone to take action, the congress website had not been updated to show that the S. 1177, Every Child Achieves Act, had already gone to vote. I feel like I really have some egg on my face. No, I couldn't control the fact that Congress.gov had not been updated at 2:00 a.m. when I posted it it. The bill still showed as being introduced, but without any decision. Still, I feel pretty embarrassed to have asked people to work under a deadline.

The good news is that the Every Child Achieves Act has passed with an overwhelming majority vote. 81-17 (2 non-votes). This act will the No Child Left Behind program if it passes the House and President Obama signs it into law. Given the overwhelming senate success, I have hope that it will. There are a lot of really great things about this bill.

Still, this does not mean that we cannot work to create legislation that will offer those protections. It just means that we have the time to give it the time and energy it deserves. Time to ask our representatives to do their jobs.

A Call to Action!

UPDATE:  THE BILL IS NOT DEAD, BUT IT HAS BEEN VOTED ON IN THE SENATE. THIS DOES NOT MEAN WE GIVE UP THE FIGHT TO HAVE LGBTQ+ YOUTH PROTECTIONS MANDATES NATIONWIDE

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When The New Civil Rights Movement (NCRM) published the article, “Did Your US Senator Just Vote To Allow LGBT Students To BeBullied? Here's The List," I quickly checked my state. Yep. My senators. Utilizing one of the greatest political filters I have at my disposal (a friend), I send the link over and I say "please, please, please, tell me what happened here. I don't understand." 

About 20 hours later, "Export-Import Bank." Huh? What? 

We've all heard the stories of bills not passing, only to find out that there was something attached to the bill by one party that made it unacceptable to the other. It's the way both parties play the political game. Al Franken is no exception. With a really weak lead in about "preparing children for the future," comes a whole section of the amendment that has to do with exportation and importation. Essentially, international trade and exporting jobs overseas to cut employment costs. *sigh* *deeper sigh* 

Personally, I don't agree with this practice. I get tired of conservative mouth pieces talking about the evils of welfare and the unemployment when they don't fight to keep jobs in America. To me, that's like paying to fix someone else's roof, but you have your own leaks and you're developing wood rot. It's asinine. Still, this piece of legislation does not belong in a massive bill that seeks to improve the education of our youth by offering targeted funding to schools who need the money and protections for all students from bullying. 

Still, this bill is not dead yet. I repeat:  Every Child Achieves Act IS NOT DEAD YET. The vote was on Franken's amendment. If we act now, we can save the parts of this amendment that really matter. But we DO have to act now. ECAA goes to vote soon (probably before midweek), and without Franken's amendment, it will not include the LGBTQ+ protection. 

What can you do? Well, call Franken's office. Tell him that you support his amendment, but not his effort to sneak in legislation that put it at risk. Ask him to introduce his amendment again without the Export-Import Bank clause, or any clause not pertaining to the education or safety of children in schools. Then call your senators and ask them to make sure it happens. Tell them you feel strongly that ECAA should pass with LGBTQ+ protections, and that you are asking for the contents of SA-2093 to be re-introduced without the Import-Export Bank clause. 

You can reach Al Franken's office at:  (202) 224-5641 

And you can Google your own senators if you're outside of Iowa, but if you're in Iowa, I'll give you Joni and Chuck's Washington numbers. 

Joni:  (202) 224-3254

Chuck:  (202) 224-3744

If the amendment is reintroduced with the proposed changes (without the Export-Import Bank clause, or any clause not pertaining to the education or safety of children in schools), and still gets voted down, then the nay-ers' true motives will be exposed. Or maybe we will get legislation that offers protections for our youth.